Aloneless is a word

I can't wait until leave starts.

We've both been on edge lately. We know there's nothing to blame but the pre-deployment stress. The deployment blues. A month and a half left before he leaves. We can only make the best of our time together now.

I haven't been distancing myself from Sean, no. I know that's not the right thing to do. I have, however, become more comfortable with my aloneness. Right, aloneness. I refuse to call it loneliness - not now, and not at any point during the next year. I'm not lonely, I won't ever be. I'm married to the man I was destined to share my life with. Not lonely, just alone. And lately, it's been alright. I think Elliott has helped, although he's a giant pain in my ass at times. He keeps me company, and that's something. I'm gaining hours at work. I'm making friends. I know I won't be ready when July 17 comes, but it seems that I'm becoming more prepared as these days pass. A good thing.

I am lacking something important, though. Beyond Sean, I don't have a friend to really talk to. No girlfriend to vent to, to get coffee with, to go to when I'm feeling my worst. I haven't felt the need for somebody like that, but I'm coming to the realization that this is going to be a problem. So, I guess I'm looking for a special girl now. We'll see how it goes.