Deeper than the Mariana.

Today is our anniversary. One year ago, we were just married. Beside ourselves with delight and passion, we enveloped eachother with a love so deep, so pure, that we'd never know anything less.




I didn't know what to expect today. Sean had asked me to stay home for the better part of the day, so I assumed he'd be having something sent here. The doorbell rang, and I was given the most beautiful bouquet of roses I've ever seen. How I am so lucky, I still don't know. My husband is in a war-zone, thousands of miles from me. He's so far away, yet still manages to create a world for me flooded with brilliant light and warm affections.





From here, there is very little I could do for him today. However, I did manage this.

Warren Ellis and Neil Gaiman are two of our favorite contemporary authors. I knew it was a longshot, but I explained the situation to both (via Twitter, obviously), and asked if they could spare a moment to send him well-wishes. Both authors were kind enough to do so, and I'm sure Sean and I both did happy dances. I can think of countless gifts I could have given him today, but seeing as he wanted nothing but my love.. I think I've done well.

I can't believe it's been a year already. It seems like just weeks ago we were in that room, nervous and elated at what was to come. I'll never forget how it felt to look into his eyes, recite my vows, and to say "I do". It's an affair that has burned itself into my memory. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Today, I celebrate alone. Next year, he will be here, and we will embrace the day as we could not today. Sean Clark Harriman, I love you. Happy Anniversary.

For your eyes.

 I haven't posted any pictures lately, so I present you with these:

 Introducing, 'Lifelines'. Obviously, it's in it's early stages. Very early. The plan is this: here are two very detailed maps, one of North America, and one of Europe. I'm going to trace my path through life with yarn. Starting from where I was born to where I live now, with every major stop along the way. I'm going to do the same with Sean's path. Our yarns will intertwine in Germany, and we'll follow them through the past year up to now. I'm going to keep this going, believe it or not, throughout our entire lives. I can't wait to update on my progress.

 The states. It's freaking huge. Total pain in my ass to put up.

Europe. It's so detailed. We'll be able to pinpoint our exact locations, though everything.

 This is something Sean left me just a few weeks before he deployed. It remains where I originally found it: the corner of the mirror in the downstairs bathroom. Everytime I check my reflection before leaving the house, I see this. And I smile.

I see this every morning, every night. He supports me still, even from so far away.

As sweet as any wine, and as bitter as mustard greens

Another morning to myself. I've developed a small routine already, mostly consisting of coffee and emailing. But it helps with starting my day out right, so I can't complain.

I've talked with Sean online a couple times since he's left. I've been keeping my IM client running 24/7, along with keeping my laptop open and my sound up. My heart jumps into my throat everytime I hear the sound of a message received, and usually it's from him. And for the few minutes, or half hour, or however long we've been able to talk.. nothing else exists. Everything here falls away, and there's only him and I. I've learned what he's done the past few days, and just knowing, knowing anything at all.. it's a relief. He manages to make me smile, even force a few laughs out of me. Talking to him makes this distance seem far less than it really is. However, there is the inevitable end to every conversation, and that end usually reveals everything it had eclipsed. And again, I feel alone. I feel so far from him, so unimaginably far.

So, like an addict, I sometimes find myself making excuses to stay by my computer in hopes that he'll sign on. Yesterday, I ran out of smokes and forwent a trip to the store for hours.. but he showed up while I waited, so it was, in fact, worth it to wait. But I know I can't do this everyday. I can't use our communication as a crutch. I've got to learn that if we talk, we talk.. but if we don't, so be it. It's easier said than done, though, because all I want to do is hear his voice or type to him and know he's reading it.

On a lighter note, I was emailed by the FRG with a couple links to some websites, which are maintained by a large group of supporters that meet every single troop that comes in and out of Bangor, Maine. They welcome the troops, thank them, bring their dogs for the guys to play with, and (this is the best part) they take TONS of pictures to post on their website for the families to see! As soon as I learned what this was, I dropped everything to look through this gallery of 100 pictures from Sean's time there. I didn't really expect to see him. He'd been talking to me online during his layover there, and didn't mention anyone taking pictures of him. But, to my surprise, there he was. I found 4 or 5 pictures with him in it, and he was on his laptop (talking to me, presumably) in all but one. I don't know what it was about seeing him in these pictures, but it lifted my spirits. And he even looks happy in one, which, in turn, made me happy. Here are a couple of them (I saved them, of course!)

I'm not sure when I'll hear from him again. They're finally getting situated out there, that's as much as I can say. And there's an 11 hour time difference, and that's not making things any easier. But I'm doing my best, which is all I can hope to do.

Simply put.

I love this picture. And I love my husband. Today, more than yesterday. Now, more than ever. He's still pulling me, after all we've been through. I hope he never stops.

Fingers crossed

Good news doesn't come easy these days, but we received a touch of it this week.

Sean used up all of his leave days during this past leave/move in Florida and here in Texas as we settled in. It was a complicated affair, as we didn't know we were using them all up at the time, but were informed later that previous leave days had yet to be officially taken out. So here we are, left with very little (if any) leave time before he deploys. We reluctantly accepted it.

However, it seems that pre-deployment leave is more important than I thought. They're letting Sean go into the negatives! This means that he'll probably be off for a couple weeks next month, and that is truly a blessing. If this goes through, I'll be taking a week off myself. We're going to plan out some day-trips for hiking, beach bumming, etc. Much needed quality time.

Thankfully, this won't affect his R&R, as it's free now! By the time he gets back from Afghanistan, he'll have accrued a year's worth of leave. This is all good stuff. I'm a happy camper.

He's just a baby.

Here it is. The long awaited Elliott post! We brought him home on Friday night and wasted no time cuddling and playing with him. He's curious and energetic, and all the things kitties should be - including a troublemaker. But when he tires, which he always does, he's eager to cuddle up with one of us and purr himself to sleep. We are proud parents.

He's young now, constantly playing and seeking attention, affection, food and toys. He plays with all the cords he's not supposed to. He runs up and down the stairs. I have no doubt that Elliott will absolutely keep me occupied during this deployment, if not for those very reasons. I hope, however, as he grows during this next year, he'll calm down a bit and relax with me. But he's just a baby, so who can say?

Yesterday, Sean went to an FRG meeting. I wasn't able to make it, although I wish I could've been there. He brought home some more goodies for deployment prepping.

He leaves in just about 2 months. The weeks are going by quick now, far quicker than I had hoped. We've been going out on the weekends and having fun, but sharing our time with others. Not a bad thing, really, but we both know that we'd really rather be at home, alone, in eachother's arms. These nights aren't enough, these weekends aren't enough. I'm not usually such a selfish person, but I now find myself always wanting. Yearning for more time, just one more night, one more hour. I'm going to miss him so much.

An Introduction

This day is as good as any.

I'm Jessica. I've lived more in my 21 years than most my age have. I was born and raised in south Florida, spent my late teens in New York, then lived in Germany for two years. It was in Germany that I met my husband, Sean.

Sean is 24, and absolutely brilliant. He was an Infantryman when we met, stationed at Baumholder. Now, he's a Public Affairs Specialist and we are stationed at Ft. Hood, Texas.

I'm a strong, free-spirited woman.. most of the time, at least. I have nine tattoos, eight piercings, and sometimes a bit of an attitude. I smoke, I drink. I read classic literature and listen to lo-fi indie. I sing along. I write far less than I used to. I ride my bike to and from work, and work is an independently-owned cafe in which we serve espresso, wine, locally brewed beers, sandwiches, wraps, and smoothies. I fell in love with Austin, and try to spend as much time there as possible. I also eat very little meat, if any at all.

Sean is an old soul with a young heart.. or maybe it's the other way around. I always have trouble finding the right words to describe his character. I fell in love, and I fell hard when we met. He knows himself well, and always finds the perfect words for any situation. He writes beautifully, far more eloquently than I could ever hope to. He makes me laugh everyday. He is constantly, unintentionally reminding me why I love him and why we are married.

We've been married just over 7 months now, and he is already deploying. We don't know much at the moment, but we know that he's leaving in July. We know he's going to Afghanistan. We know he'll be there for a year. The army is shite, but what can you do? It's our first deployment as a couple (I met him just after he got back from Iraq last year), and I am scared. I can't even fathom a year away from him, and it's going to begin in just a couple months. I wonder if I'll still feel him in my soul like I do now in 5 months. 9 months. A year. It hurts to think about this.