Song sung softly.

So much has happened, yet I'm found now in the same position I was in two months ago. In a nutshell:

- University of Phoenix is a business, a fool's college who will take whatever money they can get their filthy, unaccredited hands on. I withdrew three weeks in, and now owe them $900. This has been so stressful for me, we don't have this kind of money to toss around. Alas, there's nothing further I can do to fight it, so I'll be making payments very soon.

- I have, however, enrolled with Austin Community College. My financial aid will not only be paying my tuition fees, but I'll also be receiving an extra $1000 or so per semester. This money is mine, it will be going into my checking account. I'm beside myself with excitement knowing that I will be paid to go to school. I start classes in January, and will be majoring in Psychology. I've always had the desire to learn, and to attend college classes for something I'm interested in. Business is practical, but the joys of higher education will be robbed of me if I take business courses. Instead, I'll major in what I've always wanted to, and it will be fulfilling.

- I was fired from the coffee shop, Star Co., and am still absolutely livid about it. I'd done nothing wrong. I have been nothing less than a fine employee at that crapshoot establishment, I enjoyed my job and the customers loved me. Never late, only called out once. What more could they want from me? Sean reminded me that yes, this is Texas, and I am not run-of-the-mill. I should have expected it. I've been unemployed for just over a week now, and finding something new has not been easy.

- I've been learning how to drive Sean's Jetta. I've never driven stick before, and always grew frustrated when Sean would try to teach me. Now, a friend of mine (who has dedicated his life to teaching) is giving me lessons. I've made considerable progress so far. My self-appointed deadline is the end of November - I'd like to have my license and be completely comfortable driving Sean's car. The sooner, the better. With this, I can get a better job, too.

I suppose those are the major bullet points of my life right now. Things move so quickly, and suddenly come to a screeching halt. I don't know where the current will take me now, but I'm moving with it, and I will not be pulled under.

Sean has been gone for just over two months now. As a whole, the time has passed quickly. Some days, however, drag like an anchor on the ocean's floor. I get through each one with a sense of accomplishment, though. Tuesday marks our first anniversary. One year together. It hardly seems like it's been that long, at a glance, but so much has happened since that beautiful morning in St. Petersburg. I'm not sure what to expect on Tuesday. I may be bitter, callous.. but I'd prefer to be joyful, full of mirth and love and smiling, laughing in celebration. We'll see.

Sunshine, been keeping me up for days.

There is so much to say about this past weekend. I don't even know where to begin. It was an educational experience, to say the least.

Three friends from back east surprised me on Friday with 5 hours notice to their arrival here. For the entire weekend. I couldn't refuse them. And yes, they were here all weekend. As it was their first time in Austin, I was obligated to show them as much of this city as time would allow. It was exhausting. Don't be mistaken, all three are wonderful people and it was lovely to see them.. but as I mentioned, the whole ordeal certainly taught me something; I am not the social butterfly I once was. In fact, I'm quite the opposite. I couldn't stop myself from wanting nothing more than to be home, alone. Every smile, every laugh, everything felt so forced. I can't truly have fun with other people anymore, at least not people that don't know me very well. Needless to say, I'm glad the weekend is over and I have the house to myself again. Social anxiety, my goodness. I never foresaw myself having any issues with it, but it seems Sean has rubbed off on me yet again. But who could argue that your own company is more satisfying than the company of others? I need not meet any requirements when I'm alone. No fake smiles, no awkward silences between conversations, no pressure to drink cheap beer. I'm just relieved that I've grown to love myself so much that I'd rather be alone than with others. It's a big step for me, something I've never reached before.

On a sidenote, I've officially started classes. Yep, I'm a phoenix. My first two courses - Intro to University Studies and Principles of Health and Wellness. Basic stuff. The health course should provide some good motivation towards the diet/exercise kick I'm getting in. So far, it's been well.

I'll be getting another carepackage together for Sean today or tomorrow. I'm sending him nicorette gum, the Iron & Wine show I recorded, the latest True Bloods, letters, and any other odds and ends I can find to send him. I wasn't going to get anything together this soon, but he's begging me for the gum, and I can't say no. =)

You are the moon.

Not much has happened over the past couple days. The funny thing? I like it. I've stayed at home mostly, spending time on my laptop, reading, knitting, watching movies. I had a Netflix & Chinese food night with Elliott! Although, he didn't get any of my food.. so maybe he wasn't as pleased with the evening as I was. But, I digress. I've been spending time alone, and I'm okay with that. Pleased with it, even. While it may seem unhealthy to some - staying in my pajamas all day, drinking lots of coffee, and going outside solely for cigarettes (hey, it's hot as hell here in Texas!!) - I can honestly say that I'm not unhappy with my days. I'm managing to stay in touch with a handful of close friends, a few I talk to everyday. The freedom to do as I please really is refreshing.

I'm considering quitting my bar job. I've already talked it over with Sean. What I originally thought would be a great change of pace for me has become just another stressor. The Jessica I was in Germany, or even prior to, would have been more than happy to serve and tend bar in this place. The Jessica I've become since meeting Sean, however, is more than discontent working in a dingy hole-in-the-wall, serving drunk bikers, rednecks and mexicans, and coming home sticky with stale beer. It's not where I should be at this point in my life, even if the money is good. It's not worth it. I may or may not work at Star Co. again. It all depends on.....

I'm going to school!! Sean told me he'd really been thinking it through, and he wants me to start classes while he's gone. No sooner than his next message was typed had I pulled up the FAFSA site and started applying. I spent nearly 6 straight hours delving into the depths of the internet, looking for scholarships and grants and researching online schools. The next morning, I was woken up by a call from Ai. Since, I've been absolutely inundated with phone calls from schools I requested information from. Now, I'm leaning towards University of Phoenix.. although when I say 'leaning', I really mean diving in. I've spoken with advisers from there, and have officially put in my application. I think this is actually going to happen. I've got my fingers crossed for good news today from them, and for as much financial aid as I can get.

Aside from all that insanity, life is moving slowly. I've finished Juliet, Naked by Nick Hornby, and have just started The Idiot by, of course, Fyodor Dostoevsky. I'm listening to Akron/Family, and my cat is being annoyingly affectionate. Today will be today. And tomorrow, it'll be tomorrow.