It's just the beginning.

Well, here I am. It's been just over 24 hours since I said goodbye to him.

I don't even know where to begin. I expected to find myself bawling uncontrollably for a few days, but it hasn't been that simple. Mostly, I just feel empty inside. Empty, with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Sometimes I feel numb to it all, but that usually hasn't lasted very long.

After we parted ways, my friend took me out for lunch, and then for coffee. It helped to be around other people, and I think that's going to be my ticket out of feeling this vast emptiness. I went to work at the bar last night, I was there until 230 in the morning. I didn't exactly have fun, but I made money, and I tried my hardest to keep my mind off everything. I came home, wrote a long letter to Sean (I promised to write to him every single day), and fell asleep.

This morning, I woke up and went to the kitchen to brew coffee. I found a note folded up in the toaster. I found one in the cabinet with the coffee. I found another in the freezer, and one in a box of soda cans. They were all from Sean - short, sweet words of consolation and encouragement. It's so like him to leave those for me, yet I am always floored when it happens. Through everything, I know that I'm truly lucky to have found my soulmate. I'm truly lucky to have his love. These notes, of course, stirred up my emotions, and I broke down over the kitchen sink.

So thus begins day 2 of this deployment. I'm left wondering which is the hardest part - the beginning, the initial shock of seeing your loved one leaving, of not feeling their presence anymore.. or does it get worse after weeks, months of distance? When does it get easier? Does it, ever?

A few shots from yesterday morning.