As sweet as any wine, and as bitter as mustard greens

Another morning to myself. I've developed a small routine already, mostly consisting of coffee and emailing. But it helps with starting my day out right, so I can't complain.

I've talked with Sean online a couple times since he's left. I've been keeping my IM client running 24/7, along with keeping my laptop open and my sound up. My heart jumps into my throat everytime I hear the sound of a message received, and usually it's from him. And for the few minutes, or half hour, or however long we've been able to talk.. nothing else exists. Everything here falls away, and there's only him and I. I've learned what he's done the past few days, and just knowing, knowing anything at all.. it's a relief. He manages to make me smile, even force a few laughs out of me. Talking to him makes this distance seem far less than it really is. However, there is the inevitable end to every conversation, and that end usually reveals everything it had eclipsed. And again, I feel alone. I feel so far from him, so unimaginably far.

So, like an addict, I sometimes find myself making excuses to stay by my computer in hopes that he'll sign on. Yesterday, I ran out of smokes and forwent a trip to the store for hours.. but he showed up while I waited, so it was, in fact, worth it to wait. But I know I can't do this everyday. I can't use our communication as a crutch. I've got to learn that if we talk, we talk.. but if we don't, so be it. It's easier said than done, though, because all I want to do is hear his voice or type to him and know he's reading it.

On a lighter note, I was emailed by the FRG with a couple links to some websites, which are maintained by a large group of supporters that meet every single troop that comes in and out of Bangor, Maine. They welcome the troops, thank them, bring their dogs for the guys to play with, and (this is the best part) they take TONS of pictures to post on their website for the families to see! As soon as I learned what this was, I dropped everything to look through this gallery of 100 pictures from Sean's time there. I didn't really expect to see him. He'd been talking to me online during his layover there, and didn't mention anyone taking pictures of him. But, to my surprise, there he was. I found 4 or 5 pictures with him in it, and he was on his laptop (talking to me, presumably) in all but one. I don't know what it was about seeing him in these pictures, but it lifted my spirits. And he even looks happy in one, which, in turn, made me happy. Here are a couple of them (I saved them, of course!)

I'm not sure when I'll hear from him again. They're finally getting situated out there, that's as much as I can say. And there's an 11 hour time difference, and that's not making things any easier. But I'm doing my best, which is all I can hope to do.