A post with alot of me.

I'm nearly at the weight I was before I moved to Germany, and this is a huge accomplishment for me.

I've never been much for physical exertion. My heart doesn't allow me to do as much as I could, and I found myself making excuses left and right so I wouldn't have to work out. I just couldn't find motivation. Thus, I let myself become somewhat unhealthy and unfit. I also developed body image issues, always thinking I was fatter than the mirror let on. I let it control me for a while.

Living with Sean, however, brought a change. There he was, my husband (this takes place in MD, by the way, just a few months ago), doing PT everyday. There he was, eating like a horse and never feeling regret, never gaining any unnecessary weight. I was so jealous. But I knew that I could never do the things he did every morning. I'm not a runner, not in the least (unless we are on the beach, barefoot), I can't do very many push-ups, I don't even know what sprints are. I don't know. I just wanted to feel good about myself the right way.

So, after long talks at nights and research throughout the days, it's come to this. For the past month, I've reduced my meal portions. I eat breakfast now, but usually only a banana or a Cliff bar. I follow breakfast with a barrage of multivitamin packs and water. Lunch, a Cliff bar or a salad. More water. And then (and here, I puff up my chest a tad and straighten my shoulders), I work out! I push myself, but I've also learned my limits. I do what's right for me. I do legs once or twice a week, which includes lots of squats, lunges, calf raises. Other days, I'll work core - at least 300 crunches but usually more, planks, leg lifts. And as the days go on, I feel my muscles working and healing. Each time I work out, I feel like I can do more. So I do. Dinner is a serious meal, as it's the only one Sean and I get together. We don't eat meat, we use whole grain pastas and fresh vegetables and organic meat substitutes, and we don't get fast food. Pizza or chinese, once in a blue, but that's it.

I feel better about myself. I've shed 4-5 pounds in the past couple weeks, which may not seem like much, but it's enough for me to feel different. I don't hate what I see in the mirror today. And I feel good, I really do. One thing I do look forward to with our upcoming deployment is that Sean's dietary influence will be gone, thus leaving me to fully control my diet. Dinner will be smaller, lighter. I'll work out more, as I'll be alone and bored. I hope to look and feel even better one year from now than I do today. I know I'll stick to it.


Tomorrow is a very special day. I'll post this weekend with all of the good stuff.